I don’t feel like talking

27 10 2010

I haven’t felt much like talking since coming back from New York.  As much as people say it was a great and  brave move (yada yada),  it mostly occurs to me as failure and heartache of not reaching what I was chasing.  I find myself not wanting to talk about it really, so I don’t have to re-live it or face having to explain to others why things didn’t work out. 

In these instances, I’m using silence as a defense mechanism and to disengage.  It is pretty passive agressive at times.

Silence can be powerful.  Silience can be hurtful.  There is a reason why people will use the “silient treatment” when mad. Silence is certainly unproductive way to move arguements foward.

Sure silience doesn’t mean that all the time – especially with calls, emails, letters there is a lag-time when silence means busy, occupied or not interested.  But usually silience is likely linked to the former.   For this reason silience is probably misinterpretated.  I do it all the time I think.   Prehaps often seeing myself as a quiet person,  it always did annoy me the sense that prehaps silience in the shy or quiet was misinterpreted for cold, aloof or unapproachable.  

In my recent quiet, I find myself especially more introverted on my longer commutes with my ipod and not energized to test this project.  My lack of talking reflects my lack of openness at the moment. Similarly the lack of talking amongst strangers in cities reflects a lack of openness.

On the reverse side, I often feel better in opening up and freeing myself from the angst by talking or writing to friends.  They open up insights, new perspectives and opportunities for me, and through this we connect and collaborate.  Similarly the theory of this project is too that the more talking amongst strangers in cities reflects more  openness, friendliness, connectedness and colloboration. 

I think I need to talk more to remove myself from my recently introverted feelings.

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